Sorry about the title, but, I wasn’t sure what to title this post.
So, you may have read my posts that I would occasionally make that I would title ‘Dog Days’. And they were all (at least I think all of them were) about Jake. But if you haven’t, than I’ll explain.
Jake is my dog that we had to give away to a different family when we moved to Canada, since we couldn’t really take him with us. He was my first dog and we had him for about two years ever since he was a little lost puppy who wandered up our drive way, until we had to move.
It’s been over half a year since we’ve moved and Jake had to live with a new family, who took good care of him and loved him. (Plus they have kids, and Jake loved kids. They also have a pool, and Jake loved water, so. It was a really good fit).
But this morning while I was upstairs, getting ready to go birdwatching since we were going to go to a bird sanctuary to feed the ducks and cranes and stuff–my mom came upstairs. Okay, that’s normal, I mean–her bedroom is upstairs. But instead she comes into my room and starts talking about something that I don’t remember, but then she stops and stays still (I think that she might have been hugging me–but I know that she was messing with my face) and then says: “I have some bad news”.
My first thoughts are that maybe the bad news is that we won’t be going back to our hometown like was said that we would, but instead she says this. “Jake got hit by a car, and died.”
I just kinda stand there for a second before this stupid smile breaks onto my face. (When she said the first part of her sentence, “Jake got hit by a car”, I kind of pictured him covered in stitches or something. But then she finished the sentence).
So I stand there, about to get dressed for a winter day of birdwatching, when she says that, and then I end up smiling. I didn’t think it was funny–I didn’t really believe her. Something like that actually happening to Jake had never put any real fear in me–I had just never thought about it to much. Still smiling I say, “you’re joking. That’s not a funny a joke”.
“Why would I make a joke like that?” She says.
I don’t remember if I was silent or if I repeated myself or what, but I remember that I started to cry a little bit while she walked out of the room.
I think (okay, I know) that I was in shock. Not a very deep shock, like from the movies or something. But enough that I got dressed before I broke down and actually cried. Then I just walked downstairs and got on the computer like any other day. Only instead of instantly turning on a game or answering a friend’s e-mail, I started sending e-mails to people like my great aunt, and my really good friends, all saying that my dog had died.
But I really truly did not want to believe her. So instead my brain started coming up with all these weird ideas about how he might actually still be alive or how I might just be having a very realistic dream or how this was some kind of incredibly cruel joke. But I knew that my mom hates jokes like that–even on April Fool’s. And I have weird dreams, not realistic ones.
So I cried, and my parents tried to make me feel better by telling me about when there pets had died when they were kids even when I wouldn’t answer them.
So… there is something that I find kind of strange about all of this.
Instead of crying all day long, I would just start to cry silently at different moments of the day. Like suddenly I start crying while riding in the car or while watching birds or while playing the computer, etc.
Jake wasn’t even my dog anymore even if I called him that.I missed him–I drew pictures of him and imagined going back to see him again–I even had dreams about him sometimes! But I never dreamed that he would die!
I was so happy when I learned that we would be going back to our hometown for awhile and that we’d get to see our family and Jake again. I had hoped that I could take him on a walk when I got to see him again. I might have disliked walking him everyday when we owned him. But I’ve actually missed walking him. And I had also hoped that we would have a new video camera by then so that I could video his reaction when he got to see us again! But now he’s dead and my brain still keeps suddenly switching over to sad mode–and then back to happy mode.