Posted in The Going Ons Of Thegirlnamedjack's Life

Hi.

It’s me. It’s slightly older, more mentally and emotionally developed me, but it is still me. It was me when I started this blog as a tiny ten year old who thought that “famous author” was a career, and it’s me now that I know better but still wish that I could be a famous author.

A lot has happened that I’ve never been fully comfortable talking about online, and maybe I never will. I want to start blogging again because it feels nice. But I’ve found that every time I go to write a post, I can’t seem to write about myself without getting the cruddy stuff out there first. I am apparently unable to enjoy myself if I just ignore all of the other stuff that’s happened. The not so happy stuff. This blog has been a weird catalog of my life, so I guess I just can’t pretend that 2015-2017 didn’t happen.

Because of this, I’m going to first summarize the negativity of the last few years. Dumping out negativity really isn’t something I do here, so if I am doing so, it’s kind of a big deal:

  • The summer of 2015 I moved to India.
  • The summer of 2016 I was kicked out of India (yes, really). I came back to America after being a mess for an entire year, to continue being a mess for about another year and a half. Life took a huge dump on me so needless to say I felt crappy. For a good two years I hated everything. I saw only the worst in people, I stopped caring about taking care of myself (mentally, emotionally and physically), and everything made me cry because I was upset all of the time by default.
  • I moved into the crappiest home I’ve ever lived in (an ancient mobile home from the 50s or 60s) and started sharing a room with one of my brothers (which I hated, and still don’t like).
  • I started attending high school after being home schooled since the 3rd grade. Not exactly an easy adjustment.
  • I was held back a grade due to not having credits/prior experience in high school.
  • I had an absolute madman for a bus driver. I don’t just mean that they drove a little crazy (because that’s not worth mentioning), I mean that they were a little crazy. A lot of crazy, actually. I could write a book about things this person did, but to give a small taste of what they’re like: You must hold your backpack in front of you when you board or else you will be written up. You must keep your leg in your seat and your backpack on your knees at all times or I will pull to the side of the interstate, while shouting, to write you up. You must keep all bottles zipped up inside of your bag, not in the side pockets, even if they’re empty I will write you up. You must not whistle. You must not hum. You must not sneeze or cough loudly. You must not lean your head against the window or the seat(s). You must sit up straight. If you’re too short to be seen over the seat, I will write you up. What’s funny is that half of that sounds like over exaggeration… But those are all real examples I’ve been witness to.
  • I had to learn algebra from scratch despite everyone else having years of experience in math that I didn’t.
  • I was lonely. So lonely that I latched onto the first person to offer me any kind of attention, and basically substituted that person as a best friend despite the way they treated me. I just wanted a friend so badly and had felt that way for so long, that I was willing to keep someone around even though they purposefully hurt me. We’ve since drifted far apart. Partly because it was for the best, partly because they ghosted on me, and partly because I made some friends who are, well, a lot friendlier.
  • That same school year I had a bonkers crazy teacher who started off everyday by calling us useless, dumb, worthless, etc. To a kid who was already going through a lot and wasn’t exactly what you would call confident, this was not a good little speech to hear every morning. It resulted in a lot of tears, a couple of full blown melt downs, and a whooole lot of anxiety.
  • I met someone within the first two days of arriving to high school (we’ll call them Dick) who was… A real character. The first thing Dick ever did was harass me about sex. This continued until Dick was suspended for some unrelated issue. The next year I met Dick again in a new class and got to hear and see them say a lot of scary/offensive/idiotic stuff. I don’t even know if I’m allowed to write down a lot of it, since I already had to write it down for the police. So skipping past a lot of gritty details; I overheard Dick talking about how they wanted to kill me in a very graphic, well-described way. I told everyone I could think to tell, but nothing really came of it since it was passed off as an empty threat from a dumb kid. Eventually Dick brought a knife to school and “playfully” pinned their “friend” (gotta use a lot of air quotes for this person) in a headlock and “playfully” tried to slice the friend’s neck. You know… As friends do. Long story short, Dick is gone now. They don’t really use social media (at all) so they pretty much don’t exist online. Trust me, I’ve looked. Dick is someone who put me on edge for a long time, to the point of having incredibly vivid nightmares about them. I didn’t even feel safe walking from class to class. I’m extremely relieved to see them go.
  • Speaking of crappy people, the very next semester I met someone who I wish so dearly I could share all of the details of, but sadly that’s illegal. This particular individual was one of those greasy teenagers who can’t not make a sex joke about anything and everything. Except this person was a little different, because they dressed in The Joker cosplay everyday (even dyed and styled their hair like the Joker’s…) and apparently thought it would be okay to grab my boobs from behind during a group project. I started shouting at them, other girls began shouting at them, and all this person had to say was: “Okay, jeez! I didn’t know it would offend you so much…” Usually when I tell this story people laugh, but it’s honestly not funny to me. It’s alright though. Later they threatened to shoot up the school, so I don’t have to worry about them anymore. I guess.

And that’s… All of the biggest negatives, I think. Excluding stuff I still don’t feel comfortable sharing, or (again) possibly never will. But because all of that was so depressing, here are some well deserved positives.

  • I’m currently getting free college through dual enrollment. Half my day is at my college, half the day is at my high school. 2-3 days a week I don’t have college classes, so I get to stay home in the morning and work in blissful silence, which is amazing.
  • Last winter I started biking everyday to every other day. I’m not a hardcore biker, but it’s nice to say that I do something outside that I actually enjoy. Semi-toned legs are a nice plus too.
  • I got a bird! A beautiful little budgie named Fiddleford, after the Gravity Falls character. Have I mentioned that I love Gravity Falls? Because I do. I’m not obsessed with it like I used to be, but I could definitely see it happening again. Anyways, I love my bird and he really brightens up my day.
  • I have some pretty good friends at my school now. My absolute best friend is an internet friend I met in a DeviantArt comments section back in early 2015. That sounds a lot weirder than it is.
  • Speaking of said best friend, I’ve gotten to meet up with her three times now! The first time was just a couple of hours, but it was so much to us. The second time was actually a couple of weeks during the summer, and the third time was three weeks this summer! I definitely look forward to our next meet-up, because they’re honestly the highlights of my entire year. I wait for them all year despite never knowing when the next one will be. I can’t put into words how much it hurts me that I can’t just see her whenever I want to.
  • Uhhh I’m seventeen now, turning eighteen in November. That’s a positive I guess, since ages 14-16 were dumb aaaand that’s when almost all of the worst stuff happened.
  • I’m still working on that book I’ve been talking about for years now. It’s come a long, long way… I’m actually glad that fifteen-year-old me didn’t finish it because the way I wrote the characters (and wrote in general) back then was horrendous. Looking back through that first draft, all I can think is: “That character would never do that!” It’s like a bad Fan-Fiction of what the actual story is.
  • I’m also still drawing, and still want to create a series one day. Preferably with my best friend, since we’ve actually had stories developing for years now. When we were younger, creating a show together was mainly something we wistfully joked about, but now it feels much more serious. Not like it could actually happen, but… Still, if we ever get the opportunity, you can bet we’ll seize it. I’m going to work myself to the bone trying to make that dream come true.
  • Things are a lot better now. Nothing crazy has happened in awhile. My bitterness still exists but not as strong and not everyday. I’m just focusing on school, attempting to maintain the friendships I’ve managed to make, actually taking care of myself for the first time in way too long, aaaaand… I guess that’s kind of it. Sometimes I still cry over dumb stuff, but it’s over normal dumb stuff now rather than: I Got Held Back A Grade After Being Deported From A Country, Also Like Seven Million Other Sucky Things Happened -By Fall Out Boy

With that said, I guess it’s time to end this post and go work on some more schoolwork. College is a lot more fun than high school so far, not gonna lie. There’s a 45% chance I’ll actually start posting here again, but the last time I was consistent on here was when I was eleven years old.

Fun fact about me: 11-13 years old was the best time of my life. I don’t know if anyone else has a favorite age that they’ve been, but I guess preteen-hood was it for me. Maybe I’ll hit a more enjoyable age, but there’s nothing like the sweet innocence of writing horrible Transformers fan-fictions and staying up late in DeviantArt chat rooms to role-play with my internet buddies.

Fiddleford
Fiddleford ❤
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Author:

I mostly draw and write but I have a side love for theatre as well. A few of my favorite pastimes are creating characters, role-playing and theorizing over my favorite series (whatever format they're in).

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