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My Name Is Jackson Bowman and I Want People To Like My Stuff

I don’t know if this is a rant or a vent or what, but it’s here.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve wanted to be famous. That sounds shallow. That sounds dumb. It’s one of those things you’re never supposed to say out loud, because it makes you look bad. But it’s also true. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve wanted to be famous. But not for just any old reason. No, I’ve always wanted something of mine to be famous. I don’t want to be the famous one so much as I want my creations to be famous. I’m not supposed to be the exciting one. It’s my characters, my stories, the things that I pour my life and soul into creating. I want so badly to create a TV show, a book series, a movie, a big something that I get to sit back and watch people love. I don’t care if they have no idea who made the thing, I just want to see people obsess over characters and stories that mean so, so much to me. Because that’s me. I want to be the name in the credits that nobody reads, because at least they watched the whole movie.

I’m that person that obsesses over characters. I’m that person that comes up with theories and ideas for things that I’m into. I’m that person that spends every day caught in someone else’s fictional weird, so incredibly happy to lose myself there. I write fan-fiction, I draw fan-art, and I consume just as much as I produce. I’ve made best friends through fandoms online. I’ve spent hours of my life absorbed in fiction. The only reason I’m able to live a happy life right now is because other people supply entertainment for me and I have the ability to create entertainment of my own.

The very thought that my creations could become other people’s happy getaways as well… That’s wild. I want nothing more than to Google my creation’s name and see a hilariously bad fan-fiction about my characters. That’s my dream.

I love my characters. They mean a lot to me. There’s a piece of me in each of them, no matter how different it may be from the source material. Drawing them makes me happy, writing them makes me happy, and sitting around thinking about them makes me undeniably happy. I have worlds so well thought out, characters so in-depth due to years of development, that I’m sure getting to create a series with them would be wildly successful. People would love it. They would sit around waiting for each new episode to air, just like I do with shows that I like.

But that’s kind of the thing. Actually having the ability to create a series, is… Close to impossible. I mean, a million people have great ideas for a show. A million people have characters they’ve developed for years that they love dearly. A million people can draw. A million people can write. But about 0.9999999% of those people get to see their creations come to life.

I strive to be that minuscule percentage. Maybe I strive too hard. Maybe I strive too obsessively. Maybe I’ll wind up broke, living in a cardboard box on the side of an L.A. street eating Cup Noodles™. But I want to be able to say that even if I never got to live the dream, I did try my absolute hardest. Because if I never even try, I’ll live the rest of my life wishing that I had.

Now you guys know that I’m an ambitious, shallow kid who still thinks she can create a TV show. I know I’ll need a normal job to fall back on, I know I need to start figuring out my major, and I know that nothing ever works out perfectly. You’re talking to the person who was deported from India at age 15. I definitely know that life sucks. I get sick and tired of people telling me things like: “Well, that’s cute and all, but you know it’ll never happen, right?”

Like, yes, Bertha. I know it’ll never happen. Thanks for reminding me. But trying to make the impossible happen, will make me happier than sitting around wondering what would have happened if I’d just tried. J.K. Rowling started writing Harry Potter because it was a cool idea and it made her happy. Not because she thought it would make her a killing. (The fact that it later did, of course, makes her that lucky 1%.)

Nobody believes that I can do it, including myself most of the time. Your discouraging comments aren’t helping. I live in a trailer in south Georgia and all of my friends are wealthier than me. Let me imagine that one day I’ll have that dream come true.

I will strive to be that 1% so that at least if I fall down, I’ll do so knowing that I tried my hardest to fly.

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Author:

I mostly draw and write but I have a side love for theatre as well. A few of my favorite pastimes are creating characters, role-playing and theorizing over my favorite series (whatever format they're in).

One thought on “My Name Is Jackson Bowman and I Want People To Like My Stuff

  1. God has a plan for your life. Don’t forget that! When I was your age, I thought things were never going to work out for me. And hey! maybe some people might think they never did! 🙂 But I can see how God has helped me to make it through life this far. Sure I made some stupid choices along the way, but He just keeps guiding me back toward what’s best for me. I love you!!!!

    Harriet Bowman

    Fesperman Real Estate

    Phone 912-281-6178

    Email: hbowman02@gmail.com

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